How to plan an engagement party in Vancouver, from who hosts to the toast

For an engagement party on a Saturday in mid-January, the invitations go out in the first half of December, so the date and the room need settling before November is out. Two answers from the couple come before any of that: who's hosting, and how big the wedding will be.

First, who's hosting and when

Traditionally the hosts were the parents of one or both partners; today many couples host their own, and close friends or relatives step in too. If you're sharing it with a sibling or a parent, agree on that now so the invitation says who it's from. If one of the families has its own engagement tradition, ask early whether it belongs at this party or on a day of its own.

Then the date. Canadian wedding guides suggest holding the party within two to three months of the engagement and sending invitations at least four to six weeks ahead. For a proposal in late October or November, that lands the party in January or February. January sits outside wedding season, so a room may have more open Saturdays than in June; go in with two possible dates anyway.

The guest list comes from the wedding list

People invited to an engagement party usually expect an invitation to the wedding as well. So the couple needs a rough wedding list before you send anything. If the wedding will be 60 people, an engagement party for 100 makes promises the couple can't keep. While that list is still loose, keep this party to the people who'll be there whatever happens: close family and the friends the couple would call first.

On the invitation, say who's hosting and what kind of party it is, a seated dinner or food and drinks standing up, so people know what to wear. If the couple would rather skip gifts, the invitation or their wedding website is the place to say so, in one plain line.

A seated dinner or a party on its feet

Choose the format before you call anyone about a room. A seated dinner suits 20 or 30 people, and nobody spends the evening balancing a plate and a glass. A standing party fits more people into the same room and lets them drift between conversations.

For a dinner, a restaurant's private space handles the room and the menu in one conversation. Acquafarina, downtown, lists engagement dinners among the occasions on its private-events page, with three spaces: the Mezzanine, for up to 30 seated or 40 standing; the Terrace, for up to 60 seated or 80 standing; and a full buyout, for up to 160 seated or 200 standing. For the set menu and how much notice to give, see our guide to private dining for 10 to 40 guests.

For a standing party, a rented event space gives you a room that's yours for the evening. Engagement parties are one of the event types The Modern Vancouver offers in its Kitsilano space. Ask a space like that what comes with the room and whether it holds its own liquor licence; the answer changes what you need for the bar. The third choice is home, or the common room in your strata building, and it's the simplest one for drinks.

What to serve, and who pours

Standing up, people need food they can manage with a glass in the other hand: crostini, skewers, mini sliders, cheese and flatbreads. A seated evening can run to small plates, pizza or tacos, a family-style dinner or the restaurant's own menu. Dessert doesn't have to be a cake, either; cupcakes, macarons, doughnuts or a dessert board all work.

At home or in a rented space, the food is where a caterer is worth the money, and it leaves you free to be at the door when the couple walks in. Luxe Bites, a caterer based in Delta that serves Metro Vancouver, makes charcuterie boards, grazing tables, food arrangements and brunch options for private celebrations; its page names baby and bridal showers, birthdays and anniversaries. A grazing table is the kind of food a standing engagement party wants: people help themselves while they talk, and you're not in the kitchen plating anything. If you'd like to compare a few, the caterers on Zamala are on our hub.

At a private residence you don't need a liquor permit to serve, and the Province counts a strata common room as part of the residence. You can pour there, but you can't sell, so a cash bar is out. If you'd rather someone else pours, our guide to hiring a bartender for a home party covers how many you need and what to ask before you hire. At a restaurant or event space that holds its own liquor licence, the Province's advice is to check with the owner or manager whether you need a Special Event Permit, so ask when you settle the room.

A party in a public place, or in a venue without a liquor licence of its own, needs a Special Event Permit from BC's Liquor and Cannabis Regulation Branch. The Province asks you to submit and pay for the application at least four to six weeks before the event, and the permit holder, any event manager and everyone serving need Special Event Server certification. For a mid-January date, apply by early December, in the same weeks the invitations go out.

Keep the toast short

Plan on speeches, but short ones, from you as host or from a parent. You welcome everyone, someone raises a glass with a brief toast, and the couple thanks the room. The long stories can wait for the rehearsal dinner.

Before the night, tell whoever is giving the toast when it happens and roughly how long they have, and let the restaurant or the caterer know too, so glasses are full and the music comes down when the first person stands.

Someone to take the photos

For pictures of the toast and the faces around it, hire a photographer for the evening. West Events Media, an event photography company in Vancouver, says on its site that it also covers private parties and community events alongside weddings. If the couple hasn't had engagement photos taken yet, our guide to fall engagement photos in Vancouver has the places worth the trip and a plan for the rain.

A few days out, send the photographer two things: the time of the toast, and the names of the people who should end up in a picture with the couple, grandparents first. An evening party in January starts after dark, so it helps if they see the room, or photos of it, ahead of time. And ask for one picture of everyone together before the first guests start saying goodbye.

Photos by Al Elmes, RDNE Stock project and Fotógrafo Samuel Cruz on Unsplash and Pexels.